Sunday, November 27, 2016
SEC Progress Report Week 13 Saturday November 26, 2016: Finals Week and some of you guys just flat out forgot to study
After the Thanksgiving week the teacher knows what you have been doing.
First thing - During finals week some of you guys acted like a bunch of Ole Miss ATOs and went to the wrong Library (the Library bar not the place of research and study), or Foresters or the Warehouse or wherever you kids go today –NOT TO STUDY.
Secondly – you bring back some pitiful scores after a full semester.
The teacher will give you a full review and its too late to study now buster. As Dean Bill Parcells once said – “You are what youare.” Team, some of you made me do this and go all Dean Wormer on you.
Lets face the music. No more “double secret probation, mister” this time your goose or turkey really is cooked.
LSU grade = B Texas A&M = D
LSU 54 Texas A&M 39 - LSU first seemed the first winner of the Tom Herman new coach hire, or was it Jimbo Fisher? What did the Athletic Director tell Coach O? Congratulations Ed Ogeron we settled for you. The school who is wanting to take the “next step” hired a career defensive line coach who is an ace recruiter and never had a winning season or gone to a bowl as a head coach. He replaces a man in Les Miles who has won a National Championship and played for another. This is a hire to move ahead in the toughest conference and toughest division the SEC West. LSU, you might arguably be the the 2nd best team already in the West. And this hire is supposed to take down Saban and Bama? They played hard against a Texas A&M team that has fluctuated since Johnny Manzell left a few years ago. The teacher was hoping that The Aggies would join the Tom Herman sweepstakes and would hire away Tom Herman to spice things up a bit.
Arkansas grade = (for crazy) Missouri grade = A
Arkansas 24 Missouri 28 Coach – Hogs coach Bret Bielema has a smoking hot wife and a winning personality. You feel great at times but things go horribly wrong as in grading this is called a learning disorder. Arkansas fans know this as the Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde novel come to life. Missouri, congratulations. To be accurate we never paid attention to you. Did you finish all of your assignments? You received a semester grade of I for “incomplete”, “ignored”, and “irrelevant”. Keep up with the conference or please change conferences with Oklahoma.
Georgia grade = F
Georgia Tech 28 Georgia 27 – Hey Georgia, to quote the famous educator Dean Vernon Wormer of Faber College “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life” for a bunch of 5 stars that all the fans brag about the Dawgs signing each February. Watching Georgia football we have seen the program go to a level of 5 star bad boys to the life alert woman. You know, the older woman in the commercials who said “Help I’ve fallen and can’t get up.” You do not lose to Tech –first year or not. Dawgs stop going to The Bourbon Street Bar and instead go work out in the new indoor facility. Also look to your heritage. Get what Erk Russell coined at Georgia, GATA. (GET AFTER THEM AGRESSIVLY – hey this is a family blog). Also as Erk used to say “Avoid the rush, hate Tech early.” You have a lot of work to do and have lost your way. It can be overcome by an attitude change. If not, enjoy having the GT flag and the hallowed hedges ripped out every two years.
Kentucky grade = A+
Kentucky 41 Louisville 38 – The Kentucky Wildcats almost got beat by the Austin Peay Governors last week. This week the Bluegrass Cats put it on the highly regarded Louisville Cardinals. Well done Cats. You did what Georgia, South Carolina and Florida could not do. You beat your SEC rival. You beat what many felt was a playoff team led by the most talented player QB Lamar Jackson. You Kentucky Wildcats are the team of the week.
Mississippi State grade = A Ole Miss grade = F
Mississippi State 55 Ole Miss 20 – Mississippi State dominated this years Egg Bowl to see which of these two rivals would knock the other into last place of the SEC West. This has been a down year for State. Ole Miss went reverse Clint Eastwood on MSU and said “We will make your day.” They did. Now State, in a year they were defeated by South Alabama and almost by Samford, feels they are superior to the Flagship University. Ole Miss is a team that went from contender with some quality losses to making Mississippi State look like they are a good football team. Ole Miss leads the series 63-44-6. The School Above You still is in the lead – but did the whole program for Ole Miss really return to last place with dismal hopes for the immediate future to be a contender?
Auburn grade = C Alabama grade = A++
Auburn 12 Alabama 30- Auburn, you remind me of what I read on an old lady’s tombstone once . “She hat done all she could.” Bama, I am strongly pulling for you in the playoffs. Like a cat this is when you usually let us down- when we cheer for you. Don’t. Just don’t. Alabama freshman QB Jalen Hurts is the SEC player of the year.
South Carolina grade = F
South Carolina 7 Clemson 56 – South Carolina you had it all turned around the second half of the season and then you regressed. The only good thing I can say about you is that you added to Gainesville High Heisman hopeful Deshaun Watson’s high light reel. To pass future tests you will need to stop being the Washington Generals to the Clemson Globetrotters. We going to take Clemson in the SEC East and put you on waivers South Carolina if these types of performances do not change soon. You must dominate your ACC rival to stay in the SEC!!!
Tennessee grade= F Vanderbilt grade = A+
Tennessee 34 Vanderbilt 45 – Tennessee, what the what what??? You were going to change up this roller coaster year with a medium, start, Florida triumph, UGA thrilling comeback, suffer 3 loses but still end up in the Sugar Bowl –NOT. Your grounded mister. No sugar for you. Now get on over to Birmingham or Memphis or Nashville.
Vandy, a loss to you can cost coaches their jobs. You have the UGA, Ole Miss and Tennessee Athletic Directors looking up the number of the coach search company.
Tremendous. Vanderbilt improved the most of any team by far. Commodore linebacker Zack Cunningham you are the SEC defensive player of the year.
Florida grade = F
Florida 13 Florida State 31 - Florida, you looked like some snowbirds dowm from up north and did not resemble a team that got dominated by your ACC rival. Your ACC rival Seminoles did not even make it to their conference championship game.
I never thought I would say this but- look at your big brother Kentucky and do what they are doing.
Thank you Lord for this silly game we can have fun with. Help us have the same enthusiasm for serving you and helping others. Help us make our families, school and country to be greater.
Lift Jesus Up!