SEC Progress Report Week 13 Saturday November 26, 2016: Finals Week and some of you guys just flat out forgot to study

After the Thanksgiving week the teacher knows what you have been doing.

First thing - During finals week some of you guys acted like a bunch of Ole Miss ATOs and went to the wrong Library (the Library bar not the place of research and study),  or Foresters or the Warehouse or wherever you kids go today –NOT TO STUDY.

Secondly – you bring back some pitiful scores after a full semester.

 The teacher will give you a full review and its too late to study now buster. As Dean Bill Parcells once said – “You are what youare.”  Team, some of you made me do this and go all Dean Wormer on you.

Lets face the music.  No more “double secret probation, mister” this time your goose or turkey really is cooked.

LSU grade = B   Texas A&M = D

LSU 54  Texas A&M 39 -  LSU first seemed the first winner of the Tom Herman new coach hire, or was it Jimbo Fisher?  What did the Athletic Director tell Coach O? Congratulations Ed Ogeron we settled for you.  The school who is wanting to take the “next step” hired a career defensive line coach who is an ace recruiter and never had a winning season or gone to a bowl as a head coach.   He replaces a man in Les Miles who has won a National Championship and played for another.  This is a hire to move ahead in the toughest conference and toughest division the SEC West.       LSU, you might arguably be the the 2^nd best team already in the West.  And this hire is supposed to take down Saban and Bama?  They played hard against a Texas A&M team that has fluctuated since Johnny Manzell left a few years ago.  The teacher was hoping that The Aggies would join the Tom Herman sweepstakes and would hire away Tom Herman to spice things up a bit.

Arkansas grade = (for crazy)   Missouri grade = A

Arkansas 24  Missouri 28 Coach – Hogs coach Bret Bielema has a smoking hot wife and a winning personality.  You feel great  at times but things go horribly wrong as in grading this is called a learning disorder.  Arkansas fans know this as the Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde novel come to life.  Missouri, congratulations. To be accurate we never paid attention to you.  Did you finish all of your assignments?  You received a semester grade of I for “incomplete”, “ignored”, and “irrelevant”. Keep up with the conference or please change conferences with Oklahoma.

Georgia grade = F

Georgia Tech 28  Georgia 27 – Hey Georgia, to quote the famous educator Dean Vernon Wormer of Faber College “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life”  for a bunch of 5 stars that all the fans brag about the Dawgs signing each February.  Watching Georgia football we have seen the program go to a level of 5 star bad boys to the life alert woman.  You know, the older woman in the commercials who said “Help I’ve fallen and can’t get up.” You do not lose to Tech –first year or not.  Dawgs stop going to The Bourbon Street Bar and instead go work out in the new indoor facility.  Also look to your heritage.  Get what Erk Russell coined at Georgia, GATA. (GET AFTER THEM AGRESSIVLY – hey this is a family blog). Also as Erk used to say “Avoid the rush, hate Tech early.” You have a lot of work to do and have lost your way.  It can be overcome by an attitude change. If not, enjoy having the GT flag and the hallowed hedges ripped out every two years. 

Kentucky grade = A+

Kentucky 41  Louisville  38 – The Kentucky Wildcats almost got beat by the  Austin Peay Governors last week.  This week the Bluegrass Cats put it on the highly regarded Louisville Cardinals.  Well done Cats.  You did what Georgia, South Carolina and Florida could not do.  You beat your SEC rival.  You beat what many felt was a playoff team led by the most talented player QB Lamar Jackson. You Kentucky Wildcats are the team of the week.

Mississippi State grade = A  Ole Miss grade = F

Mississippi State 55 Ole Miss 20 – Mississippi State dominated this years Egg Bowl to see which of these two rivals would knock the other into last place of the SEC West.  This has been a down year for State.  Ole Miss went reverse Clint Eastwood on MSU and said “We will make your day.”  They did.  Now State, in a year they were defeated by South Alabama and almost by Samford, feels they are superior to the Flagship University.  Ole Miss is a team that went from contender with some quality losses to making Mississippi State look like they are a good football team. Ole Miss leads the series 63-44-6. The School Above You still is in the lead – but did the whole program for Ole Miss really return to last place with dismal hopes for the immediate future to be a contender?   

Auburn grade = C  Alabama grade = A++

Auburn 12  Alabama 30- Auburn, you remind me of what I read on an old lady’s tombstone once . “She hat done all she could.”  Bama, I am strongly pulling for you in the playoffs.  Like a cat this is when you usually let us down- when we cheer for you.  Don’t.  Just don’t.  Alabama freshman QB Jalen Hurts is the SEC player of the year.

South Carolina grade = F

South Carolina 7  Clemson 56 – South Carolina you had it all turned around the second half of the season and then you regressed.  The only good thing I can say about you is that you added to Gainesville High Heisman hopeful Deshaun Watson’s high light reel.  To pass future tests you will need to stop being the Washington Generals to the Clemson Globetrotters.  We going to take Clemson in the SEC East and put you on waivers South Carolina if these types of performances do not change soon.  You must dominate your ACC rival to stay in the SEC!!!

Tennessee grade= F  Vanderbilt grade = A+

Tennessee 34  Vanderbilt 45 – Tennessee, what the what what???   You were going to change up this roller coaster year with a medium, start,  Florida triumph, UGA thrilling comeback, suffer 3 loses but still end up in the Sugar Bowl –NOT.  Your grounded mister.  No sugar for you.  Now get on over to Birmingham or Memphis or Nashville.

Vandy, a loss to you can cost coaches their jobs.  You have the UGA, Ole Miss and Tennessee Athletic Directors looking up the number of the coach search company.

Tremendous.  Vanderbilt improved the most of any team by far.  Commodore linebacker Zack Cunningham you are the SEC defensive player of the year. 

Florida grade = F

Florida 13  Florida State 31 -  Florida, you looked like some snowbirds dowm from up north and did not resemble a team that got dominated by your ACC rival.  Your ACC rival Seminoles did not even make it to their conference championship game. 

I never thought I would say this but- look at your big brother Kentucky and do what they are doing.

Thank you Lord for this silly game we can have fun with.  Help us have the same enthusiasm for serving you and helping others.  Help us make our families, school and country to be greater.

Lift Jesus Up!

Fletcher Law

SEC PROGRESS REPORT WEEK 12 – Saturday November 19, 2016: Cramming For Finals Edition

We are heading into finals and this is how your team prepared.  Bama and Florida get an extra Turkey leg and dressing to sop that gravy.  Everybody else its green bean casserole,  gluten free everything and go to your rooms now.  You heard me Ole Miss and South Carolina.

Georgia grade = C (as in played a cupcake)

(“Louisiana”) or LA- Lafayette 21 Georgia 35  - Georgia struggled mightily in taking this simple pre Georgia Tech exam.

The Dawgs look like it would take 6 plays right now to score against air.

This is not the pretest confidence and swagger you need going against the Paul Johnson and the North Avenue “spread option”.  Do not call the Rambling Wreck offense a glorified wishbone please.  With all the “angry white men” around you do not want to set off their King Paul Johnson.

Texas A&M grade = D (as in they played a doughnut)

USTA 10  Texas A&M 23- Texas A&M took cupcake scheduling to a new level.  They found a team to play most college football fans did not know existed.  They practiced not scoring many points like they anticipate they will also do against LSU on Turkey day.

Florida grade = A+ (could have been a B for boring  offense or D for great defense)

LSU grade = D (for what Coach “O” said on the 4^th down play)

Florida 16  LSU 10 – Boring Florida is the 2^nd best team the SEC behind Bama.  They had to reschedule a big conference game on the road after the earlier hurricane scare.  LSU was considered the 2^nd best team in the league.  I kid about the Gators. Coach Jim McElwain has done a super job with better things on the horizon. Their talent level will get better and then they will be a threat in the championship game. 

The Gator D just totally manned up on the goal line to win the SEC EAST and make LSU Coach OGERON mutter something nobody could understand. This time the Cajuns did not even understand Coach O.

Missouri grade = F  Tennessee grade = A (could have been T for too little too late)

Missouri 37  Tennessee 63 – Tennessee took out a lot of frustration against Mizzou.  Could have should have been frustration.  Butch Jones has had at times had his team play great and then mediocre, then at times awful all in one year.  Joshua Dobbs is another Georgia QB that had great success waltzing to another state to help another University have greater success than before.

South Carolina grade = B

Western Carolina 31  South Carolina 44- South Carolina won.  The 31 points by Western Carolina makes all recent improvement look suspicious.

Arkansas grade = B  Mississippi State grade = C

Arkansas  58  Mississippi State 42 – Arkansas played like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde this time in the same game.  They rolled on offense and reeled on defense.  Mississippi State is so down and out they keep messing with their uniforms and are wearing grey.  This is called Ole Miss envy by psychologists when “little brother” is trying to keep up with The Flagship in Oxford.  This is not the year to do that.  Ole Miss is making every body else’s season just a little bit better right now. 

Alabama special grade = A+ or KK for King Kong

Chattanooga 3  Alabama 31 – Bama is simply the best.  Saban probably in his “process” made the team not score 100 so they will mess with Auburn more.

Auburn grade = A   (for apathy in playing this game)

Alabama A&M 0  Auburn 55 – Auburn probably played this team so they could mark out the A&M and show recruits the score against “another” Alabama.  So much for the Alabama educational system.  Unless injured Auburn running back Kamryn Pettway returns this might be the score of the Iron Bowl reversed.

Ole Miss grade = F (for - Help I’ve FALLEN and can’t get up!)

Vanderbilt grade = A (for Anchor Down)

Ole Miss 17  Vanderbilt 37 – Ole Miss cannot run the football and cannot stop the run or pass.  This harkens back to days in the mid-1970’s when the teams were so bad that nobody knew there was an Egg Bowl outside of Oxford or Starkganistan. 

Ole Miss does not play Dixie anymore for their fight song.  In the bowery and smokey clubs of Nashville they were playing The Band’s version of “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down”.  Levon Helm from where abouts unknown reportedly protested his signature song being associated with this sad effort.

Be thankful we have fun things like football we can have fun with.

Thank you Lord for our faith, family, country and football. 

Lift Jesus Up!

Fletcher Law

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SEC PROGRESS REPORT WEEK 11 – Saturday November 12, 2016 – election week edition, No Safe Spaces here - Saban declares himself Czar for life!!!!

Alabama grade = A+  Miississippi State grade = F                                                                                                          Mississippi State 3  Alabama 51 –  Run college students.  There is no “Safe Places” in Tuscaloosa.  It was quaint to even think The Maroon Dogs could show up and could play the anarchy game as was played on other campuses.  Saban has done what many Americans have feared those in power would perhaps do.  He has taken over completely and declared himself permanent czar of college football as we know it.

South Carolina grade =C   Florida grade = B (for Boring )                                                                                          South Carolina 7  Florida 21 – What if they played an SEC East (or Least) game and nobody cared which boring team would be designated the Hunger Games sacrifice for Bama at the Georgia Dome for the SEC championship?  I think we have a winner.  Call if you actually watched it.

Tennessee grade = B  Kentucky grade = C                                                                                                          Kentucky 36 Tennessee 49 – This was a well played game.  Sorry the votes are already in.  Both teams tried to turn their seasons back around for a remarkable end in Atlanta or New Orleans.   Bundle up for Nashville and Shrevport.

Georgia grade = A  Auburn grade = C (as in Cruz who disappoints before the big game)                                      Auburn 7  Georgia 13 – Wow in a strong showing of the red clay state the Dawgs voted to quit getting embarrassed at home and beat what we all thought was a good or maybe great Auburn team.  Auburn had a chance to beat Bama and get into the CFB playoffs.  Return to your safe place near Opelika Tigers.  There is no place for safety in the Capstone campus.  The Chubb - Michel ticket is rising to resurrect UGA to a possible 8-4 season.                   Nobody saw this coming.

Vanderbilt grade = F   Missouri grade = C                                                                                                             Vanderbilt 17  Missouri 26 – In this day of social media and internet hoaxes I ask did this game actually happen?

LSU grade = A   Arkansas grade = F                                                                                                                            LSU 38  Arkansas 10 – Coach Ogeron has the LSU Tigers as the 2^nd best team in the SEC West.  I never knew I would compare Coach O to Hillary.  Strange season.  Arkansas call me when you  get back from your therapist.  Are you Napoleon or Pee-wee Herman? 

Ole Miss grade = A Texas A&M grade = D (Like George Dukakis)                                                                              Ole Miss 29  Texas A&M 28 – Coach Hugh Freeze be like all Ronald “Maximus” Reagan and such and shook up Rebel Nation and said “Tear down this redshirt”.  Good move Hugh “Gipper” Freeze.   Young #20 Shea Patterson might keep you from being the best 6-6 team in the country and raised your bowl stock.  Texas A&M received a strong grade of  D.  They are a footnote in history.  Their D was earned by being a George Dukakis. They thought they had a chance for the big prize when they were # 4 for the playoff race just 8 days ago.  Texas A&M will be in the dust-bin of CFB history like George Dukakis who thought he could whip Reagan’s vice- president George Herbert Walker for the office of president in 1988.  Those memories of a #4 playoff ranking for the Aggies were swept away by Ole Miss like Reveille’s dandruff combed out by the their corps of cadets.   

It is just a game.  But it feels great when your team comes back or your ranked rival goes down.  Enjoy the rest of the fall.  Serve Jesus.  Make Jesus name great on this planet.  It will be one day.

Lift Jesus Up!

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Fletcher Law

SEC PROGRESS REPORT WEEK 10 Saturday October 5, 2016 Fall Fashion Edition

We are way past labor Day and heading to Turkey Day.  Let’s see what we look like.

Ole Miss grade = B -

Georgia Southern 27  Ole Miss 37  -  The Rebs played it so cool that they forgot to wear their full uniform as they forgot to wear the trade-mark grey pants that Walter Payton once said he dreamed of wearing.  The practice white pants set the tone for the Rebs/Black Bear's lack of enthusiasm.  The classically dressed Georgia Southern were the only ones in appropriate attire.  Even Coach Freeze forgot to shave.  Ole Miss almost got “South ALABAMAED” but woke up in time barely like an ATO with a Friday 8:00 A.M. class after a night at the Warehouse of old.

Texas A&M grade = F

Mississippi State grade = A+

Texas A&M 28  Mississippi State 35 – It was “little brother versus little brother” from the visiting state of Texas and the home of the Mississippi SEC team that is not the FLAGSHIP.   
The “Doppelgänger Bowl was bewildering.  To those from College Station or Starkghanistan  

-  From Wikepedia (You remember that word from college)   

"Doppelgänger In fiction and folklore,a doppelgänger or doppelga(e)nger (/ˈdɒpᵊlˌɡɛŋə/ or /-ˌɡæŋə/; German: [ˈdɔpəlˌɡɛŋɐ]  literally "double-goer") is a look-alike or double of a living person, sometimes portrayed as a paranormal phenomenon, and is usually seen as a harbinger of bad luck. In other traditions and stories, they recognize one's 'double-goer' as an evil twin."

Mississippi State wisely knew it needed more “Cow Bell” and less of the hideous maroon they got stuck with in uniform choices once upon a time.  This completely bamboozled the visiting “little brothers” from Texas and they went from number 2 in their state and number 4 in the playoff poll and "Aggied" it all over Starkghanistan. 

 

Vandy grade = c+

Auburn grade =B-

Vandy 16  Auburn 23 – Vandy almost got it done.  They are doing marvelous things with their “anchor” on their headgear.  Gold and black are hard colors to make look good on any uniform because - your colors are gold and black.  Auburn kept it tight with their classic uniform.  Auburn has been rolling.  They sputtered this week.  I hope Georgia does not have to go disguising themselves for the visiting Gus Bus as the Plainsmen/Tigers/War Eagles pile out to run up the score.

Florida grade = F

Arkansas grade = A+

Florida 10  Arkansas 21  - Florida is making the SEC a basketball conference.  Who can wait to see that boring offense roll up to the Georgia Dome to get rolled by the Tide.  The Gator offense makes Mitt Romney look exciting.  Arkansas is a little schizophrenic in their uniform choices of late. Like anyone with good taste they completely took out all the maroon they could from their Pig suits.  The small brained reptiles were also easily bamboozled. Advantage Razorbacks with a fashion gaff that worked….. this time.

Missouri grade = F

South Carolina grade = B

Missouri 21  South Carolina 31 – South Carolina looked confused as they did not mix and match well.  Mizzou has the hardest to figure out decals on their helmets.  Are you Tigers or are those chicken feathers? Repeat – Uniforms are for tradition and for your team to be easily identified.

Tennessee grade = A

Tennessee Tech  0  Tennessee 55 – How much did it cost to get paid to attend this game?

Georgia grade = B

Kentucky grade = C

Georgia 27  Kentucky  24 -  The Dawgs went classic in their road look and back to using Nick Chubb and Sony Michel to rush for over 200 yards.  The Cats stepped up with chrome headgears but the checkerboard  sleeves went out with racing season and plus it looks like Rocky Top envy. 

Alabama grade = A

LSU grade = B

Alabama 10  LSU 0 – Classic uniforms versus classic uniforms.  Manly football versus manly football.  Thank you teams for looking good and playing good..

It is not only football fashion season but also the political season as well.  Be nice to your neighbors, vote and then relax and have fun.  Don’t worry so much about who will be president. Jesus is forever King of kings and lord of lords. 

Lift Jesus Up!

Fletcher

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